Can i not drive my cunt home
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He felt like a one man threesome
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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