I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am one with the molecules
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
