Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
