I can text with my tongue
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
