We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
