I accidentally had phone sex last night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
