You smell like a Billy Joel song
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
