Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
