im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
