Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
