I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
