Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
birth control should be required to get into college
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
