his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
