I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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