You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
