we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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