I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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