Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
