There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
