and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
