For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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