My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
