I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
