Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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