dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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