the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
