Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
