Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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