I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
