I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
