My first STD was from a foam party
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
