Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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