I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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