This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
