so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
