I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
