i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
