i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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