M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
