There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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