last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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