...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
