Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
