So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
