omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
