He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
