I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And then my night got REAL pukey
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
