Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
