Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
