Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
