There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
