Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
