that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
