Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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