Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
