Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
