she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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