having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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