Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Mom said you looked used
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
