I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
