dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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