there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
